Stroke I hate you!

From: Ralph Stalnecker, a friend of Gary Carmen
This is the story of a man who went to sleep one night and when he awoke his life was changed forever.

My friends, I write this not for pity, but to give you some insight into what I wrestle with and hopefully for you to get to know me a little better. Feedback is welcome.

I was 43, in the prime of life or just the beginning some would say. I had a successful career, a wonderful family and a musical hobby I truly enjoyed. Stroke I hate you!

I exercised twice a day for 60 minutes, watched my diet, routinely checked my BP and cholesterol. I was getting pretty good at my music. Figuring out my favorite rock and blues songs and learning how to solo even. I enjoyed going to work every day. Not something many could say. Stroke I hate you!

You came out of the blue in the middle of the night. Like an IED in Desert Storm. (I was told I should've died.) Taking away my career, relationships, my music, and for some divine reason which I do not yet understand, left me here with a broken body, a scrambled mind, always tired, old before my time. Leaving me to walk this journey alone, having to learn the simple things all over again. Stroke I hate you!

New friends have come old ones have gone, because they just can't understand why I can't be what I once was. I used to tease my grandparents for their afternoon naps, now I have to do the same. Late nights out with friends are a thing of the past. Stroke I hate you!

My spouse and I separated over issues you raised and again because she could not understand why after all the therapy I did not come home as the person I used to be. Reconciliation impossible due to DEEP wounds from words said. My boys don't understand the things I do I'm not the father they once knew. Stroke I hate you!

My neurologist says hope is on the horizon and I believe him, but time marches slowly. I sit here with foot-droop, depression, left-side weakness, short and long-term memory issues, infrequent seizures, a cocktail of medications to be taken daily that help as much as slow me down, wonder what’s the next shoe to drop? Stroke I hate you!

You've ruined my life but considering the alternative maybe I won the battle. I continue to stare you down every day! Stroke I hate you!

You've robbed me of my vitality, but I can still reason and love. Each day my feet hit the floor is a little victory. Stroke I hate you!

I know GOD exists and has a purpose for me, to be revealed in HIS time. On multiple occasions I wanted to give up on this life. But some really Good friends talked me off the ledge. I am grateful beyond measure. I know now that way out would have done nothing but leave behind a mess and a lot of questions for those who truly loved me. I live now to try and be a real influence and inspiration to those who know me. Stroke I hate you! 

The loneliness can be unbearable at times, especially when I need a sympathetic and empathetic ear. I fear of walking the rest of this life alone and without the companionship of someone who can accept me for who I am.

I believe my God, in His time will help me in finding another partner to walk this path, share my interests, and be that sympathetic ear when I need it. Stroke I hate you!